


We can make this leap

by LtTanyaBoone



Series: love ignites in my veins [2]
Category: Pan Am
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-08
Updated: 2017-10-08
Packaged: 2019-04-08 17:23:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14110320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LtTanyaBoone/pseuds/LtTanyaBoone
Summary: The relationship between Kate and Colette gets serious. (Modern!Au)





	We can make this leap

**Author's Note:**

> This is the second piece in 'love ignites in my veins', a Modern!AU in which Kate and Colette end up with each other.

The clutter on her bathroom counters seems to have trippled.

Kate turns off the blow dryer and sets it down before running her hands through her slightly damp hair. She surveys the chaos and realizes with a start that a lot of the things she sees, aren’t actually hers.

There’s a big toothed comb that Colette uses to untangle the mess of her hair after a long shower. Why on earth that’s on Kate’s sink is a mystery to the redhead. Colette has a black one at her own place, and a blue one in her carry on. This one’s purple. Kate’s never seen it before, or noticed it.

There’s a hairbrush Kate picks up and cleans the hair out of with a roll of her eyes. It’s not hers, either. She’s seen this one before. The glow-in-the-dark stickers on the back were put there by her, after all. Rooming with Colette in Athens, she’d managed to step on the damn thing in the dark, and woken Colette with the resounding curse that had left her. In the ensuing argument Colette had joked that she’d get a new one with LED lights. Kate had done this, instead.

A purple glitter toothbrush in its equally glittery cup. Kate picked up both, as a joke. Colette had complained once about having to always dig through her luggage when she stayed over just to get cleaned up. Kate’s own electric toothbrush sits next to it, her rinsing cup a deep cherry red resting on the edge of the sink. 

Some make-up remover wipes, from a brand Kate doesn’t buy, because she doesn’t like the way they burn in her eyes. They smell nice, though. She’s borrowed a few from Colette in a pinch, the scent lingering on her skin always reminding her of the brunette. 

Two bottles of nail polish that absolutely have no business to be in her bathroom at all. Kate stares at them and tries to think of when on earth Colette might have painted her nails when she was over. The truth is, she hasn’t. The French woman probably took them out of her washroom bag while looking for something else and completely forgot about them.

There’s a black hairband with soap stains on it. Kate rolls her eyes again and tosses it onto her washing machine, deciding that she’ll put it in her next wash. Colette uses it to keep her bangs from her face when she washes up and does her make-up.

Some liquid foundation two shades too dark for Kate’s skin, and three liquid lipsticks that definitely aren’t hers, though she catches herself considering keeping one of them. As colateral, for the chaos Colette wreaked on her bathroom counters. Apparently, the other woman hasn’t noticed any of them missing, anyway, so really, what would be the harm? Only Kate knows Colette would recognize the color on her lips. And chances are, there are a lot more where these three came from. 

There’s some face wash and a sampler of shaving cream, the latter of which actually has a sticker with Colette’s name on it. Kate frowns at it before deciding to throw it away. It’s either from back when Colette shared an apartment with Bridget, or was still flying with her crew in France. Either way, it’s been more than twelve months since Colette’s gotten her own place, meaning the shaving cream has outlived its shelf life. 

When she’s done cleaning up the chaos, there’s a section of three tiles on her counter where she’s put all of Colette’s things, neatly lined up. Kate startles at the image of all these items sitting there so effortlessly. The comb and hairbrush and toothbrush and facewash and make-up... They probably amassed over weeks, perhaps months. Yet here they are, on her bathroom counters. Clear evidence of the space Colette occupies in her life and her apartment. 

The redhead shakes her head and swallows thickly, making a mental note to grab a little tray on her next grocery run to collect the smaller items and avoid new clutter.

 

* * *

 

Colette hands her a small tote bag before taking off her heels. 

“Uh, thanks?” Kate mutters and raises an eyebrow as she looks inside the bag. 

“I’m only returning them to their rightful owner,” Colette tells her and straightens. She reaches up and pulls her hairtie from her braid before shaking out her long tresses, momentarily distracting Kate.

“Rightful owner?” the redhead asks, blinking twice to clear her head. 

“I ran them through the wash, they’re good to wear again,” Colette informs her with a shrug before wandering off in the direction of her kitchen to grab herself something to drink, leaving Kate to puzzle over her friend’s statement. She decides to find out whatever is in the bag and walks over to her couch to sit down. 

Inside is a stack of neatly folded laundry. 

An oversized band shirt Kate wears to bed sometimes. She’d wondered where that had disappeared to, fearing she might have left it at a hotel by accident. She got it during her first semester at college, it’s a ratty old thing, but still so comfortable... 

There’s two tops, a black tank and a print one. She knows she wore the latter during a day of hanging out with Colette, they’d gotten ice cream while going for a stroll. 

A yellow pencil skirt she hasn’t worn in ages. She could have sworn that one was somewhere in her closet, buried beneath more fashionable items. 

A couple pairs of socks, and three loose ones missing their counterparts. One of them Kate knows is hanging out on her washing machine, waiting for its mate to show up in a load of laundry. Where the other two have disappeared to, she has no idea. 

Some panties, one of which is a lacy number that makes her blush slightly at the sight of it, and the memories it conjures up. And two bras. Which, hopefully, Colette had the mind not to run through her normal laundry cycle, but either washed by hand, or had another program for. Because these were expensive, and if Kate finds that they’ve gotten ruined- 

“Wanna model that for me?” 

The redhead jumps in surprise and looks up to find Colette watching her with a mischievious expression on her face. She swallows, then shakes her head and lowers the light gray bra to place it back on the stack of laundry. 

“Thanks,” she mutters. “For, washing these. I hadn’t noticed...” Kate trails off, her brows knitting into a slight frown. Colette walks over and sits down next to her. Her hand touches Kate’s knee, thumb gently stroking over the skin exposed by her skirt. 

“I don’t mind you having a couple of things at my place,” she tells her, her voice soft. “I just figured that you were probably looking for those, so I’d better give them back.” 

Kate swallows and nods. She would have been looking for them, had she known they were missing. Aside from the band shirt, she hadn’t noticed any of those things disappearing. Probably a sign she owns way too many clothes, truth be told. 

“Wait,” she suddenly perks up. “Does that mean there’s even more stuff at your place?” 

Colette throws her head back with laughter before she leans in and captures Kate’s lips in a soft kiss. 

“Oui,” she tells her. “I kept a complete change of clothes, in case you ever need it. You’re welcome to bring more over. I think you might be in need of some sleepwear, actually. Unless you’ve suddenly discovered that sleeping naked is more comfortable, in which case-” 

Kate decides that kissing Colette to shut her up is probably the best course of action, so she does just that. 

A couple of hours later, the redhead picks up the clothes they knocked off the couch and starts folding them again, a soft smile playing on her lips.

 

* * *

 

Her cell phone chirps when she’s in line at the cash register to pay for her groceries. Kate digs it out of her purse and stares at the display in confusion.

> _C <3 [10:41]: We have a problem._

She texts back three question marks, waiting for her girlfriend to elaborate.

> _C <3 [10:43]: You should have told me your mother has a spare key._

The redhead feels herself blush slightly, her heart starting to race in her chest. Oh, shoot. She’d forgotten about that. Not that her mother has a spare key, she is well aware of it. She’d just forgotten to mention it to Colette. If her mother showed up at her apartment and found Colette there... Oh boy.

Okay, breathe, Kate. It’s okay. You’re an adult. You’re allowed to have friends, female friends, over. Your mother doesn’t have to know what’s going on between you and Colette. Colette said that she respects your boundaries and won’t tell anyone until you’re ready. You’ll just tell your mother you were going to have a day of friendly catching up with each other planned. Yeah, that’ll work.

> _just tell her we’re having a friend hangout, catching up w/ each other sorta thing. be back in a few, will deal w/ her then_

It’s her turn then and she puts her cell phone away to get the groceries put away and pay for them. She’s already in her car when she remembers her conversation with Colette, and pulls her phone back out.

> _C <3 [10:52]: That might be a hard sell, given what I said to her when she walked into the bathroom during my shower while my back was turned._
> 
> _C <3 [10:53]: At least I assume that you don’t usually join your friends for naked stress relief in your shower._

With a groan, Kate hits her face on the steering wheel, setting off her horn.

 

* * *

 

There’s a key with a sky blue rubber marker on it on her keyring. She’s had it pretty much since Colette moved into her own place. A ‘just in case’ key, a ‘use in case of emergency’ key, a ‘please make sure the one plant I managed not to kill survives’ key. 

Kate still hesitates every time she finds herself in front of Colette’s apartment. Always wonders is maybe, she should just ring the bell, or knock. Always feels like she’s intruding, like she is overstepping, like she’s assuming too much. It doesn’t matter how many times Colette tells her to just let herself in, how many times she assures her that it’s fine, she gave her that key for a reason. That said reason has changed, it’s still something Kate hasn’t really wrapped her head around.

Slowly, she inserts the key and unlocks the door before opening it. And realizing that Colette’s apartment has impressive sound proofing, given that she heard almost nothing of the loud music that’s blarring inside while she stood in front of her door. 

She closes the door and drops her carry on and her bag. Reaches up and takes her hat off and unbuttons her jacket. She’d call out for the other woman, but given the volume of the music, she doubts Colette would hear her. So she toes off her heels and goes in search of the other woman. 

When she pushes open the door to the bedroom, Kate reaches up and presses hand over her mouth to stiffle her laughter. Colette is folding laundry, her hips moving to the rhythm of the song currently on. 

“I wish I had a camera,” the redhead declares, raising her voice. 

To Colette’s credit, she doesn’t scream. She just jumps slightly and wheels around, blushing furiously. Then she quickly grabs the remote from the nightstand and shuts off her stereo. 

“Sorry,” she apologizes, slightly out of breath. “I didn’t hear you come in-” 

“I doubt you would have heard a horde of drunk tourists running through your door," Kate laughs with a shake of her head, before she tilts it slightly. “What song was that?” she asks. Colette frowns before shrugging. 

"No idea,” she tells her. “Martin’s dating a DJ, he’s bullied him into making some playlists for him...” Colette trails off. “They’re pretty catchy. Great to dance to.” 

“So I could see,” Kate nods, walking over. She pauses in front of Colette before reaching out to settle her hands on her hips. 

“Hey,” she greets her, her voice soft. Colette smiles in reply and reaches up to wrap her arms around Kate’s neck. 

“Hey yourself,” she murmurs. “Long flight?” 

“It was okay,” Kate shrugs. “I bowed out of the debriefing, though. Wasn’t really in the mood for tipsy gossip,” the redhead grimaces. 

“Ah,” Colette inclines her head. “What are in you in the mood for?” 

“I don’t know," the redhead mutters, leaning in to brush the tip of her nose against Colette’s. “But we’ll probably manage to figure something out,” she adds, a sigh escaping her when Colette closes the remaining distance between them and kisses her. 

“I’m sure we will,” the brunette agrees and sets out to remove Kate’s uniform jacket.

 

* * *

 

“Your place, or mine?” 

The way Colette asks sounds so casual. Kate still hasn’t really managed to wrap her head around, this. That her reality includes one Colette Valois as her girlfriend. 

“Your pick,” the redhead finally answers, stepping up to the border check to hand over her passport. Colette does the same at the next counter. Kate sees her remove her hat out of the corner of her eye before she accepts her own passport back and leaves the secure area. 

“Is it weird if I say yours?” the brunette inquires, her brows knitting together when she joins Kate a few moments later. “Your bed’s more comfortable, plus you have that great sushi place nearby...” the European trails off as Kate shakes her head in amusement. 

“A bit, maybe,” she allows. “But to be honest, I was hoping you’d chose mine,” Kate admits. 

“You could have said so,” Colette reminds her as they step from the airport. Kate shrugs and follows her to the cab waiting area. 

Her fridge is pretty barren. She kind of forgot about that. There’s something to drink and some bread and butter and cheese, but that’s about it. Judging from the grimace Colette makes when she opens the carton of milk Kate had sitting in her fridge, it has gone bad. 

“I hope you like black coffee,” the French woman declares. 

“There should be another in the pantry,” Kate points out. Colette holds up the carton Kate thought was milk. It is. Just, almond milk. Which, while delicious in breakfast cereal, she does not like in her coffee any more than Colette does. “Ooops,” the redhead ducks her head, drawing a laugh from the brunette. 

“Reminds me of uni," Colette shakes her head in amusement and kisses the corner of Kate’s mouth before grabbing their mugs and leaving the kitchen in the direction of the bedroom. 

“Tell me again why we are having sushi in my bed?” Kate asks as she follows her. 

“Because,” the brunette shrugs and sets down the mugs on Kate’s nightstand before climbing into said bed. Where she’s put a tray in the middle and put their selections on it. “I promise I will put on new sheets all by myself if we make a mess,” she rolls her eyes at Kate’s sceptical expression. The redhead sighs and shakes her head as she walks around the bed and gets in herself. 

“I will hold you to that,” she tells her. 

Almost two hours later, they’re lying down in her bed. Colette didn’t have to change the sheets, which Kate is pretty grateful for. She has no idea how on earth one would get soy sauce out of high thread count bed sheets, to be honest. 

“Hm, don’t stop,” Colette murmurs and Kate pulls back slightly. Colette has curled up next to her, her head resting on Kate’s shoulder, arm thrown over her hip. Her body is at an angle the redhead isn’t certain must be all that comfortable. She’s been running her fingers through Colette’s hair and switched to gently massaging her scalp a minute ago. 

“Feels good?” she asks and draws a dreamy sigh from the other woman as she continues with the circular motions. 

“If this job doesn’t work out,” Colette mutters after a couple of beats, “you could earn a fortune as a shampoo girl.” 

It draws a laugh from Kate, which jostles the other woman. The brunette lets out a sound of protest before leaning back, eyes taking in the American. She slowly reaches up and runs her thumb over Kate’s bottom lip. 

“What?” the redhead asks, confused by the sudden change in mood. 

“Je t’aime,” Colette murmurs and leans up to capture her lips in a sweet kiss. Kate swallows and hesitates, uncertain if she should say it back right now. It’s not that she doesn’t return Colette’s feelings, she does, absolutely. And she’s told her so before. But it feels weird, to be saying it now, when it seems more like a response to Colette’s declaration than an actual statement of her own feelings. 

“Something on your mind?” Kate asks, brushing Colette’s hair behind her ear. The brunette hesitates. Draws her bottom lip between her teeth briefly before going in for another kiss. 

“I...” she starts when she leans back, brows furrowed slightly. Then Colette shakes her head, a frustrated sigh leaving her. “Just, stuff,” she finally says. 

“You know you can talk to me, right?” Kate presses. “Even if you can’t find the words in English. I speak French, and if I don’t get all the minute details, I can always ask.” 

Colette draws a shuddering breath and lies back down. Her hand finds Kate’s and holds it tightly against her chest, her breath stuttering a few times. Kate swallows and feels herself straining to hear if Colette’s actually crying, or just on the verge of tears. 

It’s such a weird and sudden change, and Kate hates not knowing what to do, or what to say. Feels horribly guilty because her girlfriend is obviously working through something, yet here Kate is, unable to help her, because she has no idea how.

 

* * *

 

It’s a pathetic little thing. Really, knowing how old it is, it should be at least double its size, but Colette’s Ponytail Palm on her kitchen windowsill is still in its original pot. 

Kate shakes her head at the plant and touches the soil in its pot, furrowing her brows. 

Colette texted her late last night, about getting called for a flight at the last minute. She told Kate to help herself to anything in her fridge that wouldn’t survive the long weekend, which is actually why the American is currently in the apartment in the first place. 

The soil of Colette’s plant is bone dry. It hasn’t been watered in days. No wonder the poor thing hasn’t managed to grow much at all since Colette got it years and years ago. 

Kate looks around for a watering can and finds... none. She grabs the electric kettle and fills it with some water before slowly pouring it into the pot. She can watch it disappear almost instantly. 

“I feel like I should be rescuing you,” she mutters with a soft sigh. 

Aside from this specimen, all the plants at Colette’s place are fake. She buys the occasional flowers when she’s in the mood, but as far as keeping plants alive is concerned, the French woman is pretty terrible. So far, she’s managed to kill basically everything, aside from the Ponytail Palm, and the monstrosity of a cactus that still is at the apartment she used to share with Bridget, the pot having been too heavy to lift onto the moving van. 

It’s a mystery to Kate how this plant has survived Colette’s forgetfullness when it comes to watering it. She knows they’re not very demanding plants, but they do need water somewhat regularly. Either Colette’s various houseguests always take pity on it, or she does manage to remember to care for it occasionally. It doesn’t have any dead leaves on it, after all, so she does tend to it, apparently. 

Kate shakes her head and places the kettle down to check her girlfriend’s fridge for anything that may be about to spoil. She ends up with some cheese, an open carton of apple juice, and some spread that smells nice enough, even though she can’t decipher what it is, being that she can neither speak, nor read, Hebrew. Once she has everything she’s going to take with her, she pours some more water for the poor plant and waits another fifteen minutes, going through Colette’s mail to see if there’s anything that needs immediate attention. After, she dumps out the water that’s made it out of the inner pot, then places the plant back in its place on the windowsill.

 

* * *

 

Her place smells like Colette. 

Well, more like the French woman’s favorite perfume. It’s a dead giveaway that Colette’s been at her place when Kate returns from layover in Sydney. 

If it weren’t for the smell, she wouldn’t have been able to tell, really. There’s this sense that someone was in her apartment, but aside from that, Kate cannot find anything amiss. Everything is exactly where she thinks she’s left it. It’s, unsettling, to be honest. 

She grabs her phone and goes to lie down on her bed, the jet lag already catching up with her, when she realizes that her pillow smells like Colette’s shampoo. Kate blinks and turns her face into the soft material and inhales. Yeah, definitely Colette’s shampoo. But she’s put fresh sheets on the night before leaving, and Colette had been out with Bridget then, so that means... 

The other woman slept in her bed. When Kate was gone. 

For a moment, the redhead is torn between thinking it’s creepy or romantic. She settles on romantic. After all, she gave Colette her key, and told her she was welcome to come over any time she felt like it. 

With a soft smile and shake of her head, she pulls up the messenger app on her phone, and begins typing. 

> _hope ur up already. am back, uneventful flight._

Kate hits send, then frowns at the display, wondering if she should say something about what she’s discovered.

> _missed you like crazy. my sheets smell like u but r bad substitute. come over?_

 Before she can reconsider, she quickly sends that message as well. Up at the top of the conversation window, the indicator that Colette is replying disappears briefly, before popping back up.

> _C <3 [08:21]: I’m up, no worries. At least your return wasn’t as bad. I missed you, too._

Kate frowns at the lines, tapping her fingers on the back of her phone as she tries to figure out what she’s supposed to say now.

> _C <3 [08:23]: I couldn’t sleep the other night, figured being surrounded by your presence would help. I won’t do it again if it bothers you._

The redhead quickly shakes her head at her phone and starts typing furiously.

> _NO!! ok, was weird @ 1st, but kinda... cute? as well. i really missed you, c. i love you._
> 
>  
> 
> _C <3 [08:25]: Je t’aime._
> 
>  
> 
> _C <3 [08:26]: You serious, about me coming over?_
> 
> _OF COURSE! take ur key, though, might fall asleep XD_
> 
> _C <3 [08:27]: K. I’ll pick up some breakfast. Anything you’d like in particular?_
> 
> _i can think of smth ;)_
> 
>  
> 
> _C <3 [08:28]: Incorrigible brat. (if you’re still awake, that can be arranged)_

Kate places her phone down with a smile. She tries to stay awake, though she must have drifted off, since the sound of her apartment door closing makes her jerk awake. 

Rubbing her eyes, she sits up and gets out of bed, to find Colette sneaking along the corridor. Her girlfriend pauses when she sees her and Kate tilts her head with a soft grin. To her surprise, the brunette drops the paper bag with their breakfast and runs towards her. Wraps her arms around Kate and pulls her in for a searing kiss. 

“Wow,” the redhead blinks when they part, slightly dazed. “You really missed me, huh?” she mutters, stroking Colette’s cheek. And sees her blush. 

“Told you,” she murmurs and leans in for another hug, sighing softly as she hides her face against Kate’s neck. “I love you," she whispers and Kate tightens her hold briefly. 

“Love you, too,” she replies.

 

* * *

 

She’s had this place since she started working for Delta. It’s so weird, to think about moving. This has been her home, her sanctuary. She’s figured out so many things about herself in this place. She’s brought a lot of people here, too. 

But lately, her idea of home has become linked to Colette in a new way, one that Kate never experienced before. She’s never thought that it was something that might happen, to someone. For their idea of home to transition from a specific place to a person. 

Her lease is up in two months. Colette’s can be terminated by giving two week’s notice. And Kate has considered not renewing her lease for the first time since moving into this apartment. She still likes it, it’s just... For one person, it’s the perfect size. When Colette is over, it’s alright, too. But if they are staying at her place for longer than the weekend, it starts to feel crowded to Kate. There’s little to no space to, avoid each other, really. To get some refuge. So, she figures, she needs a new place. If she ever wants to move in with Colette, that is. 

Oh, yeah. That’s a thing that’s happened. Something she’s thought about a lot. Their relationship seems stable, at least to Kate. They do have the occasional argument, but it’s mostly about things that can easily be fixed, once they actually calm down and start listening to each other. Kate’s not sick of spending time with her, either. She loves Colette. Loves that she was so lucky to fall in love with her very best friend in the world, and to have that person love her back the same way. Actually, Kate wants to spend more time together. She’s tired of switching apartments back and forth, of having her stuff spread out over the city. 

So, Kate reads the paper for a few weeks. Goes to some showings. And then realizes that she’s looking at places herself when she doesn’t want to live by herself. She wants to live in a place with Colette. 

“Are you free on Wednesday at eleven?” Kate asks over a steaming bowl of soup on Saturday evening. She still feels the lingering chill of the Icelandic winter in her bones, still shivers occasionally. Colette’s having a sandwich for dinner and looks up with a slight frown. 

“At night?” she inquires, lifting an eyebrow. Kate shakes her head no and takes a sip of her water. They’re in Colette’s living room. She’s borrowed some of the brunette’s fuzzy socks, because she is so damn cold. 

“No, in the morning,” Kate tells her. Places down her spoon and daps at the corner of her mouth with a paper napkin. “I, was wondering,” she starts and tries to find the right words to explain what’s been on her mind. “There’s a showing of an apartment, not too far from yours, actually. And I was hoping we could, go together.” 

Colette shrugs and returns her attention back to her food. 

“Sure,” she tells Kate between bites. “Two pairs of eyes might see more. Anything you’re looking out for?” she inquires. Kate swallows thickly and gathers her courage. 

“Actually,” she replies, fiddling with the napkin in her hand, “I was looking for a place big enough for, two.” 

Colette starts and starts coughing. She quickly gets up and thumbs the other woman on her back, a gasp escaping the French stewardess as she holds up a hand. 

“I’m okay,” she wheezes and attempts to catch her breath between softer coughs. Kate hands her the glass of water sitting on the table and grabs a new one to fill it as well. 

“You okay?” she asks when Colette has emptied it and clears her throat. 

“Yeah,” the brunette mutters and pinches the bridge of her nose briefly. “Shit,” she adds, her voice soft. 

“You scared me,” Kate admits and slowly sits down in her chair again. 

“No kidding,” Colette shakes her head. She looks down at her half-eaten sandwich and pushes the plate away slightly. “Did you really say you’re looking for a place for two people?” she asks, looking at Kate with surprise in her dark eyes. The redhead opens her mouth, hesitates. Then decides that there’s no point in lying, or denying it. 

“Yeah,” she answers. “I know we haven’t talked about this,” she admits, suddenly fearing that Colette doesn’t think they’re ready for that move yet. Maybe she doesn’t want to live with Kate. Maybe she doesn’t consider their relationship to be permanent, doesn’t have any plans of spending her future with the American- 

Kate cuts off those thoughts with a shake of her head. Colette’s told her numerous times that she wants her in her life, in whatever capacity Kate is comfortable with. She snuck into her place when Kate was gone because she missed her so much. She regularly makes plans that include the two of them, as a pair. If Colette didn’t want to do anything like that, Kate would know it. The brunette has no issues with setting her boundaries with others. 

“But I, love you. And I realized I wanted to, live with you. In one place. Don’t get me wrong, I like your apartment,” Kate tells her, “but I am tired of moving back and forth between your place and mine, and neither one is big enough for two people permanently. So...” 

Colette tilts her head slightly and takes a sip of her water again, to buy herself some time. 

“Don’t take this the wrong way,” she starts, and Kate already feels her heart plummeting. “But, I’m not ready for that. Yet,” Colette quickly adds when she sees Kate’s crestfallen expression. “I know it will sound weird, but... this is, more than an apartment, to me. It’s the first place that’s ever truly been mine. That I never had to share. And as much as I love you, and want to be with you, I’m just not ready to give that up, just yet.” 

“Oh,” Kate murmurs and crosses her arms as she leans back in her chair. She has no idea what she’s supposed to do now. Somehow, she got it into her head that Colette would be all for this. That she’d be happy about the idea of living with Kate. That actually, she’d be the one more enthusiastic about it. To have her tell her that she’s not ready... 

“It’s not the commitment to you,” Colette assures her and reaches out, laying a hand on the table when she can’t quite reach Kate. “Honestly. I love being with you. It just....” she trails off with a frown. “I need to hold onto this, for a little longer,” she adds, an apologetic look on her face. “I said I wasn’t ready, yet. I will be, eventually.” 

Kate sighs and reaches up to run a hand through her hair. So much for her plans for Wednesday. 

“I’ll cancel with the agent, then,” she mutters. To her surprise, Colette shakes her head. 

“Don’t,” she tells her. “Not on my accord,” she adds. “We can still go, have a look at it. Figure out what each of us is looking for, in a place.” 

“You don’t want to move in with me, but you still want to look at apartments?” Kate asks, frowning in confusion. This makes absolutely no sense at all. If Colette doesn’t want to move, she can just say so. She’s not usually one to try to spare someone else’s feelings over her own. Oh, she’ll try to soften the blow, but in the end, she’ll stick to her guns. Even if they found the perfect apartment now, it wouldn’t matter at all. Kate can’t afford a bigger place by herself, and Colette doesn’t want to move, so why waste time looking at apartments that will be off the market by the time the brunette might come around? If she ever does, that is. 

“Why not?” Colette shrugs. “I’m serious, Kate,” she says and lowers her voice a little. Softens it out. “I love you, and I am commited to this relationship. I just need more time.” The French woman pauses, tilts her head. “I’ve always had to share. My whole life, as long as I can remember. I’ve never had a place of my own. I’ve lived in group homes where I didn’t even have my own room, sometimes. As an adult, I’ve always been forced to have roommates. But I make enough money now to have my own apartment. My own four walls, where I have to pay no mind to anyone else and their idea of how to run a household. I know this might not seem a big deal to you, but it is, to me. It’s been one of the big goals I’ve had for years, ever since I was a teenager. And I need some time to let go of that again. To, re-adjust my mindset about living with someone else.” she explains. “It wouldn’t be fair to you, either,” she adds with the barest hint of a smile. “I don’t want to go into this, feeling like sharing an apartment with you is somehow a step down from what I’ve had. I want to think of this as a step forward in our relationship. I want to be happy about moving into a place with you, and celebrate it. If I do it now, I wouldn’t be.” 

Kate lets out a soft sigh and gives a slow nod, indicating she’s listened. She doesn’t entirely understand what Colette means, knows that what the brunette is talking about is something that might never make sense to her, because of how different their childhoods were. And it doesn’t change that part of her is disappointed, and hurt, by being turned down that way.

 

* * *

 

They decorate both their apartments for Christmas. 

Colette has a fake tree, and white lights, and glass ornaments. Kate recognizes one her friend picked up during a layover in the Czech Republic. It’s beautiful, genuine craftsmanship. Blown by an actual person instead of manufactured by a machine, a frosted globe of blue and purple with silver snowflakes painted onto it. 

Kate insists on a real tree. And colored lights. The Christmas trees of her childhood always had colored lights, and it’s one small tradition she clings to. It doesn’t feel like a real Christmas tree without colored lights, without flecks of green and blue and red on it. Unlike Colette, hers has an wild assortment of decorations on it. Stuff she made when she was a child, stuff aquired during various layovers. Some candy canes and chocolate ornaments she treats herself to at the end of the day. 

Colette usually puts Christmas postcards on display as well. Some of them are rather old, yellowing with age. Kate is hesitant to suggest laminating them, if they mean so much to her friend that she puts them up every year she might like to preserve them. But she stops herself, because it feels like overstepping. She does read them, though. The oldest was written when Colette was five years old. The second Christmas without her parents, the first one where she hadn’t been allowed to see her grandparents. Her grandmother had written her, words of love filling the small space provided by the card. Kate frowns and checks, but she doesn’t find another card signed by her girlfriend’s grandparents. 

There are some that have childlish lettering on them, letters of various sizes and words with more than one mistake in spelling. But they are still signs of appreciation, of trading Christmas cheer. Kate can just imagine a little girl with brown hair and brown eyes with long lashes pouring over her desk as she carefully writes cards to her friends and other children that live at the same group home as she does. 

There are more recent cards, as well. From Bridget, and Martin, and Laura, and Kate, and Dean, and Ted, and Sanjeev. From other colleagues, signed in various different languages, the colorful prints on the front of the cards proclaiming ‘Merry Christmas’ in countless languages. 

They put the presents under Kate’s tree. Decide that, after Amsterdam, they are going to crash at the redhead’s place, and sleep in, before having breakfast in bed on Christmas morning, and then slowly beginning to unwrap their presents. 

Kate finds a new scarf for herself, and tickets for a book signing she told Colette about a few weeks ago. 

She bought Colette a new pen, and a bottle of ink. A fountain pen. She’d been surprised to discover that Colette keeps a journal. Can sit and write pages upon pages after a day, just pouring all her thoughts and feelings out onto paper. Sometimes she doesn’t write at all for the duration of a layover, or a few days at home, but eventually, she will, and there is something strangely calming in watching Colette curled up on her couch, her journal in her lap, as she writes, her head tilted to the side slightly and her tongue peeking out between her lips. Judging from Colette’s excited squeal, she got the ink right at least.

 

* * *

 

Kate allows her apartment to be the party location for New Year’s Eve for the crew. What exactly has possessed her to do so, she cannot remember. They could have watched the ball drop from Ted’s place, or not have had to deal with elderly neighbors at Martin’s, but no, Kate had to volunteer her safe haven. 

The guys bring over two kegs of beer, and it makes Kate arch an eyebrow at them as she crosses her arms. 

“If you want to get shitfaced, please do it elsewhere,” she tells them. She’s dealt with enough puking people, in and out of her flight attendant uniform, to last her a lifetime, thank you very much. 

Martin, the lovely friend that he is, also bring a case of champagne. For a second, Kate almost asks him where he got it from, but then decides she knows better. At least this way she will be able to plead plausible deniability. 

Bridget and Colette show up with their arms laden with various snacks. When Colette has set hers down, she pulls Kate into her arms and kisses her. It’s not that they don’t kiss in front of the others, but they tend to keep it down, kind of. Try not to make a display of themselves by limiting the obvious couple stuff to quick pecks on their lips and holding hands. But Colette wraps her arms around Kate and kisses her with a soft sigh and Kate can’t help but respond in kind. Colette sat out the last flight of the year, they haven’t seen each other in three whole days, and Kate has missed her terribly. 

Laura almost knocks over the pictures on her sideboard when she opens a bottle of champagne three minutes before midnight. Kate rolls her eyes and tilts her sister’s hand to aim the overflowing liquid into a glass. She hands it over to Bridget and accepts the bottle from Laura as Colette opens another. The French woman manages to not spill anything and gives Laura a triumphant look before she fills glasses alongside Kate. 

“Ready?” the redhead asks as she wipes her sticky hand on her skirt. Oh, well, it was due a cleaning, anyway. Quickly checks that everyone has a drink as the countdown on the TV starts and the Ball begins to drop. 

“Happy New Year!” everyone shouts as fireworks start going off outside and they clink glasses with each other. 

This time, she pulls Colette close. And kisses her girlfriend, tongue and all, twenty-five seconds into the new year. The brunette sighs and melts against her, and Kate feels someone take the glass from her fingers as she wraps her arm around Colette. 

When they part, Bridget merely holds out her glass with a knowing grin. Kate ducks her head sheepishly before clinking glasses with the Brit and hugging. 

“I’m starting to get used to this,” the blonde sighs when they part. Strangely enough, Bridget had been the one person that had eyed their relationship with a frowned look and warned Kate as to what would happen, should she break Colette’s heart. Not that the redhead would ever intend on doing such a thing, but still. It had been, weird, this feeling of needing the approval of someone Kate had considered a friend to find out that Bridget would take Colette’s side in a heartbeat, should it come down to it. 

“Me, too,” she tells her with a smile and turns to see Laura and Colette laugh with each other at something Ted has said.

 

* * *

 

For Valentine’s Day, she gets Colette a box of Belgian chocolates. She’s on layover in Brussels the day before, which is rather convenient. Colette loves chocolate and always moans about the quality of what is being passed off as such in the US. Why she does, Kate has no idea, because she hasn’t seen Colette eat American chocolate on more than a handful of occasions. She’s pretty sure that her girlfriend returns from any layover in France, Germany, Austria, Switzerland and Belgium with at least five bars of chocolate. 

They celebrate by going to a fancy restaurant. Get dressed up and order two glasses of champagne, almost without cringing at the price on the menu. 

Colette’s wearing earrings that Kate got her, and the pendant on Kate’s necklace was a birthday present from Colette. 

It’s a lovely night out, and Kate is almost ready to flip a coin to figure out which apartment they will return to, when Colette asks that they go to hers. She rarely voices a preference, so Kate agrees and holds out her hand to hail a cab. 

Colette’s apartment is decorated with rose petals on the floor. Kate laughs out loud when she sees them after opening the door, and the trail they make, down the corridor. 

“Do these by chance lead to your bedroom?” she asks with a grin. Colette feigns innocence and tells her she’ll have to figure that out herself. Kate rolls her eyes and pulls her in for a kiss before taking Colette’s hand and tugging her along the hallway. Sure enough, the trail does lead to the bedroom, where white fairy lights are painting soft lights all over the room. Kate swallows when she sees the heart made out of rose petals on the bed. In its center is an envelope. She slowly approaches and sees her name in Colette’s neat cursive on it. 

“For me?” she still asks as she picks it up. It’s pretty light, she realizes, trying to figure out what on Earth might be inside. Concert tickets? Theater, or movie tickets? 

“Open it,” Colette encourages her and sits down on the edge of the bed. Kate swallows and turns the envelope around, carefully sliding out the flap. 

Inside is a card printed with roses. Kate smiles at the image before opening it. The left is empty. On the right, she finds Colette’s handwriting again. 

_Je suis prête._  

Beneath it is a newspaper clipping, repeatedly circled with a red marker. 

_2 br, 1.5 bath, office, kitchen, partially furnished, safe area, 10min to subway_  

Kate blinks. Swallows and reads the clipping again, just to make sure. 

“I called the number beneath, there’s a showing the day after tomorrow at seven pm. If you want to go,” Colette’s gentle voice cuts through her thoughts. The redhead lets out a shuddering breath and closes her eyes, suddenly overwhelmed by emotion. She hears Colette move and then feels fingers ghost over the back of her hand that’s still holding the card. 

“Kate?” 

The American shakes her head and opens her eyes at the same time she reaches out and wraps her arms around Colette wordlessly. Instantly, she feels Colette hug her back and a kiss is placed against her temple. 

“I love you,” the brunette murmurs and strokes the back of Kate’s head gently. “I want to share my life with you. All of it. I’m ready to move in together.” 

Kate just turns her head into Colette’s neck and tightens her hold, unable to say anything at all. She hadn’t expected this, at all. Neither one of them mentioned looking for an apartment for weeks, months, really, and suddenly, Colette springs this on her, and- 

The redhead lets out a soft laugh and leans back to pull Colette into a deep kiss. 

“I love you,” she murmurs and rests her forehead against her girlfriend’s. “And this sounds like a pretty decent place. Seven pm?” 

“Yes, seven pm,” Colette nods, a smile sounding in her voice. Kate opens her eyes to look into her dark ones and feels her lips tug upwards into a giddy smile.

“I can’t wait,” she tells her before going in for another kiss.

_fin._


End file.
